Alot is going on.

BH

Well, as perusual of any monumentally good event or decision in my life, there are always hangups. As of now I am being forced to decide on one of two choices/ or a down the middle path that only works under one circumstance. choice 1 is go to yeshiva now for a year, get a piece of paper Ive worked for for a long time now and perhaps a beginning to something amazing! but with that I will lose any financial support from my family (as well as emotional support) thusly causing me to be unable to finish my BA or pay for yeshiva making me unable to continue in any direction without serious debt, and the inability to get a good job. so probably i would have to get student loans to finish my BA and move back where i am now to complete it. I would also be broke once i left yeshiva.

Or I wait for another year, and finish my BA, another awful, painful, year. and afterward my family promised to fund yeshiva, as well as graduate school. I would also have time to save alot of money and with my BA I could start teaching High school if I really needed money in between yeshiva and grad school. Also after yeshiva i could move to anywhere (literally) we wanted. But if i wait another year it would appear like I was backing out and inspire alot of doubt in my sincerity. as well as make life miserable because it would mean another year before I could really be happy.

I know that the second one sounds better than the first. but, though my family has threatened me that they will not support me if i go now and not later, this does not mean that its true, more than likely it is just a tactic that they believe will prevent me from going. also I can get a job doing almost anything, construction, cleaning, office work, butchering. you name it and I have probably done it (I've had alot of weird jobs). so making money is not a big problem. and worst comes to worst I have no debt as of right now so taking on some would not be the end of the world.

So which is better? Is it better to go with uncertainty and instability and possibly having to spend a few years building back up, as well as being shirked by my family? Or going with stability and certainty, but losing my credibility and sincerity in the eyes of a group very important people. as well as put even more time in between when I can finally be really happy. but having the future set up for me? also is it better to go to yeshiva for a year and have to move back somewhere for another year there there is no frum community. or better to go to yeshiva as long as i want and move directly to any community after that?

This is an unfair question because there is a huge third variable which i can't really divulge that might change the answer, but Ill look to that. anyway this is my predicament. and why this week has not been so good.

Here's to a good decision and a better day!