Thursday, January 29, 2009

gray and blue skies


Well, i have offically joined the ranks of the unemployed again. the kosher resturant i was working at let me go for somewhat vague reasons (I think they're going out of buisness) but either way i am without work. strangly enough i am actually not so down about this. All week i have been in this kind of shell shocked fog not to mention the weird mixture of good and bad things that have happened to me. things like being let go, get insurance money in the mail, a random old doctor bill that i thought was paid but apparently not, along with various other small things (i also go a cheap ipod) either good or bad that happened. despite all of these things i am still essentailly detached from the world around me. i know that i am charismatic enough not to let this be apparent but within myself i am hardly aware of my own being. And the reason for this is the ultimate in my good/bad week, a wonderful/painful decision that i(we) made. i am so happy to have finally made the move into doing the right thing, into stopping was was so that what will be can happen. but for right now i am still just a little dazed. I know that i will be able to snap myself out of this inverted gaze at lest to some extant not long from now, but it is still difficult. right now i need to stop focus on all the great, amazing things that i have ahead of me, go find a new job, and set up a better time to study halacha and school. after that i need to byproxy cheer up a certain friend of mine, and then mail a huge package to the same person to cheer them up because they are wonderful. after all of this i will take lesson to improve my horrific grammer and typing abilities because they are atrocious. anyway i going to at least pretend to be cheery.

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Til i see you again


If I had a single flower for every time I think about you, I could walk forever in my garden. ~Claudia Ghandi

All days are nights to see till I see thee,
And nights bright days when dreams do show thee to me.
~William Shakespeare, "Sonnet XLIII"

Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle
Everything I do is stitched with its color.
~W.S. Merwin, "Separation"

Monday, January 26, 2009

Sunday, January 18, 2009



Sefer Machine!
Creepiest kids store sign ever!

pictures i took.



I have endured much to reach this place in time
Yet I have not been sick, nor mad,
Nor ruined in a wreck.
And yet I feel I have.
There is a thing in me, the walls of cells are thin,
My veins are glass, my heart the merest whim
Of beat and pause and beat,
Deaths in the street are mine. I would not have it so.
I know much more than I would want to know.
The breakfast headlines tell me of a war,
I know they die out there; put down my spoon.
Men land on the moon tonight, I know their joy,
The boy in me goes with them as they tread
Far overhead on dust world beyond reach
They teach my tired blood to love again.
There's rain in downtown Peru tonight,
I wash my face in it. In Indo China, one more massacre,
I run a race in it and lose.
You see?
I cannot choose to be or not to be.

-Ray Bradbury